The Consequences of Playing Hard to Get: My Story of Love and Loss
It was raining and I was standing in my balcony with coffee in my hand admiring the weather.
They both came on his bike. She was wearing his jacket, hugging tightly and he wasn’t flinching even though both of them were dripping wet and it was windy monsoon weather. They went walking hand in hand towards their house.
That moment I hated myself even more.
Five years back…
His family moved to our street. My dad and his dad worked for the same company. Soon they became good friends. There were dinner parties, some functions and we would meet them quite often. Still I hadn’t talked to him.
Gradually two families became closer and we started talking. Boy he was the sweetest guy I had ever known. I had a relationship of 1 year which had ended very bad. I was beginning to think this love and all is not for me. I started hating couples. I’d instantly become mad whenever I saw PDA or couple walking hand in hand. Beginning to think all guys are the same. But this guy was different. He knew how to treat people. He was chivalrous, a hopeless romantic. The old school. He was passionate about his hobbies, music and arts. He didn’t have that sweet voice but would occasionally sing in functions as dedications. It was his way of letting people know that he appreciated them.
Then he started giving me hints that he likes me more than a friend. He started making moves. But instead of clearing the doubts, I started repelling. I thought “I’m a female, he should prove himself to be worthy of my affection & I shouldn’t agree so soon given the last one was disastrous. If I agree too early then I might lose my value.” But I didn’t want to lose him. So I played hard to get. I gave him mixed signals. One day I’d go out with him for shopping, or supermarket or just for coffee and then stop talking for one or two days.
We would talk late nights and then I’d ignore him for days, not even a text message. I had reasons ready whenever he said I was too busy. Exams, projects, field trips, illness, bad mood periods and what not. In spite of all this, he put up with all my drama tried for two freaking years.
My worries began when he got job in a distant city and was preparing to move. I got the news from my mom and immediately asked him. He confirmed it. He got job in a financial firm and before he joins, he has to get some training in their faculty. So he’s going for 6 months as of now. Later if firm placed him in some other city then he had to go there.
I was anxious that I’d lose him.
Time and distance are bitches. They have power to erase bad memories, get over failed relationships,they even heal loss of near and dear ones. If someone enters our life at this point of time, we instinctively cling on to that little support, that little caring and every small things they do means a lot. After all its deeply rooted in our brains that “a friend in need is a friend indeed.” Nevertheless being a woman, I didn’t show any feelings outside while I was dying inside. For the first 2 months things were same. He used to text me regularly and I, as usual ignored them. There were times I was dying to confess my love but I knew he wasn’t going anywhere. So I let him miss me. But in the last 4 months his messages became infrequent. His calls went unattended. He’d always get back sooner or later but somewhere my 6th sense said he has met someone. And when I saw some pics on fb I was sure.
Yup. He was dating his classmate.
“But I still have time haven’t I? I can confess now. After all we both knew each other longer than this new Satan. If given option he’d definitely choose me” I thought. So I decided to clear the smoke and say yes, when he returns. But somewhere destiny was smiling and said “I hardly think so”
Turns out he was posted to some distant city and he had a week time to join the firm. When I met him in his house I was hoping he’d mention the issue and propose me but he didn’t talk anything about it. I was dying inside and nodding outside but that moment never came. Later that night I didn’t sleep. I decided that I myself will propose him tomorrow. But I never got the courage. He seemed happy and peaceful. It might be because he had a well paying job now. Or maybe because his dad was relieved seeing his son getting serious about his life and that bought smile to him. OR may be because he had everything in his life now: a well paying job, smile on his parents and the love of his life.
What happens if I enter in this scenario? I don’t know how serious they were about each other. It seemed he hasn’t told his parents about this girl. He never mentioned that girl to me. Never. Now if someone had already friendzoned you then there’s no reason not to mention this significant development. If he hasn’t mentioned then I might have chances. That he might be open. But I knew him. I knew he was not kind of guy who befriends for selfish purposes. If he hasn’t told about her then may be he’s waiting for appropriate time. Nevertheless I knew I had lost my chance. A voice inside me told- “are you going to sacrifice your love for his happiness? That’s bullshit! They don’t happen in real lives. They happen only in movies.! Bad endings always attract more viewers than happy endings. Else why would Shakespeare become renowned? His works weren’t any greater than his contemporary poets.”
I congratulated him for his selection. Said silent goodbye. Soon we got busy with our own lives. My parents started looking for suitable groom for me.
Fast forward 1 year, he introduced that girl to his family. Their castes were same, both worked for same firm, their parents agreed and they got married.
A year later they shifted to branch in here and are living in his dad’s house. I’m married and live in some other place. My husband is a sweet person too. He loves me wholeheartedly. But I cannot love him like I loved Him. Last week I had come to my mom’s house to spend some days. I saw both of them yesterday.
Pains to see I’m not sitting back, hugging him tightly in that rain.
Playing hard to get.. My greatest regret..
Dear girls,
playing hard to get is good. It keeps away bad and manipulative people. People who are trying to use you. But too much of anything is always bad. While you were trying to keep bad people away, you may lose true ones.
Sometimes No means No. He might be persistent but once he realizes that you have said No, he won’t come back.
Dear guys,
Women are confusing. They might love something now and in next instant they might hate it from the bottom of their heart. But we are beautiful in our own way. There’s a saying :
“women, you can’t live with them, you can’t live without them.”
I cannot advice you to keep trying but you should know when to back off. There’s difference between playing hard to get and genuine disinterest. Look for those signs.
P.S., these two roles are always interchangeable. Men too play hard to get and give mixed signals and there are con women trying to use men as doormats and ATM cards.
Be safe. All the best.
